When beginning a story about loyalty, one would assume that the beneficiary is the consumer. After all, the consumer is always the object of the “loyalty affection,” right? That is, subject to the perks and privileges bestowed by an appreciative brand. But somewhere in recent history the idea of loyalty has changed, and not for the better — especially when you stop and consider loyalty from the vantage point of the loyalist.

It’s a tale of unrequited love. Take a moment to think about most loyalty programs today. They seem designed to benefit the brand, the manufacturer and the retailer more than the consumer. Many of these programs are evolving into schemes hatched to gain critical personal data and insight.

This is data that, if given the choice, consumers would not readily give up even to their most favorite people, let alone their favorite brands. There is little to no quid pro quo, no payback or reward for opening up our consumer hearts to our cherished brands. This is the loyalty myth. Brand/consumer love is no longer a two-way street. Loyalty lethargy is sure to set in soon if companies don’t heed the warning and innovate around consumer value.

Today, the relationship equilibrium is off and the loyalty equation is now tilting in favor of brand manufacturers and retailers. It’s no surprise that technology is now the transformative underpinning of most loyalty programs. At first glance, this sounds like a tremendous advantage. Technology-enabled loyalty programs now allow for speed, convenience, deeper brand experience, ease-of-use, universality and instant gratification. But to what end? Consumers opting into loyalty now have an expensive price to pay.

Some marketers are doing it right. With the proliferation of social couponing, and sites like Groupon, there are more tools than ever to reward consumers with a deal. What loyalty needs to do is redefine value for its most faithful consumers. Brands must determine how to create a genuine relationship that goes beyond algorithms and data to get to know the consumer on a one-to-one level. Right now the “R” in Customer Relationship Management is being lost. The “relationship” element is in need of new focus and definition. If it feels exploitive or intrusive, it probably is. If the email blast or offer from a favorite brand seems to know too much, it probably does.

Brands and retailers alike have lost a genuine appreciation for the gift of a consumer’s loyalty. So, how do those brands and retailers rethink the loyalty equation? It should begin with the consumer at the heart, and there should be a tangible element of value for the consumer at each and every touchpoint throughout the path-to-purchase. If not, consumers are actually giving more than they are getting.

There should be a real effort to develop a truly meaningful relationship with the most valued consumers. Leveraging all the new platforms, social models and mobility that technology has to offer, most brands are benefiting more than the value they are creating for consumers. They are even using these tools to enable loyal consumers to broadcast their “likes” and brand stories for little to no incentive. If this trend continues, a backlash is soon to occur. Even brands enjoying the most loyalty are perilously close to losing their edge.

For example, take a close look at Apple — one of the most talked about and loved brands in the world. How is a company like Apple truly rewarding its most loyal consumers? If you stop and think about it, Apple is getting a lot more than it is giving. Sure, their greatest rewards are awesome products and retail experiences. But, this is fairly ubiquitous regardless of how loyal you are or how many products you own, or how maniacal a fan you are. What happens the moment a product is released that does not live up to the high bar Apple has set? What happens when the experience at retail begins to slip?

I’ve already noticed the latter on more than one occasion. Apple’s “geniuses” are often more interested in geeking-out with each other than in listening to your more mundane questions. When you try to break into a conversation you feel like you’re interrupting a couple of theologians discussing the finer points of scriptural dogma. There are millions of avid Apple fans fantasizing about all the ways they would like to be further acknowledged for their loyalty. Today this is okay, but what happens when this secret frustration turns to public disappointment and disillusion? Does it open up more opportunity for a competitor?

Netflix is another timely example of a brand now losing its way with its most loyal evangelists. This is also a model of a brand built by the instant word-of-mouth and recommendation of its early customers. It grew by studying their customer and designing for their needs: predictive, preemptive and known. So, what’s at the heart of this somewhat sudden shift in attitude and experience toward the brand? I’d say the number one pain-point is the feeling of betrayal among their most valued customers. We are talking about more than 22 million passionate customers who are now angry because Netflix increased its rates.

The failure to do anything for even a subset of its loyal customers has had a magnifying effect on the hit Netflix is taking. In a blink of the eye, the brand has gone from enjoying deep consumer loyalty and thriving because of it, to needing to quickly and desperately figure out an authentic way of regaining trust, preference and loyalty. Perhaps Netflix relied too heavily on its analytics and knowledge of the consumer through data and became disconnected from the truth of its consumers. Data do not replace relationships and the study of human behavior through interaction.

There are a number of brands I am loyal to not by personal choice but because of the role they play in my life. These include Zip Car, American Airlines, American Express and Whole Foods. All four get too much of my money and too much of my time and all for too little reward. And, with each, I am full of ideas of how that could change if I were asked. As with most personal rewards, there is a very personal, motivational element that is unique to each consumer.

The companies that take the time to engage on this level are the ones that will win and be rewarded with loyalty for life. There are brands and retailers that are getting closer to unlocking the power of personalized programs. Amazon is one company that is leading the way. Even if algorithms and data are at the heart of it, there is a direct correlation to personalization, preferences, and local deals. They rarely waste the consumers’ time and consistently deliver. With both American Airlines and American Express there is the shroud of exclusivity and “special club-ness,” but the actual customer experience falls way short.

Given that a customer retained is worth more than a new customer won, it is time to take very seriously the future of loyalty. Today, a good loyalty program can accomplish more than ever before possible. Technology does enable major benefits on both ends of the equation when done right.

Now more than ever, brands and retailers are screaming, “show us your loyalty and see what you get!” Unfortunately, what you often get is a one-way relationship in which consumers and shoppers are giving up personal information and data without much direct benefit to them. Brands need to take a hard look at the loyalty they’re showing their loyalists. Is it fair? Is it equal? Is it genuine? It’s time to shatter the loyalty myth and get back to a mutually beneficial brand-consumer relationship.

Brands should give what they get from their loyal consumers.